This article was published in the "Martinelli Newspapers" in the April 6, 2006 weekly issue of The Westchester Crusader, The Rye Chronicle, The Eastchester Record, The Pelham Sun, The Sound View News Home News & Times, The Mt. Vernon Independent, Harrison Independent
and North Castle News

Life and Money (TM)- The Meaning of Success

Submitted to The Martinelli Publications on 3/29/2006 for publication in the 9 papers on 4/6/06

By Frank Sisco, CPA, PFS

(Word count =  1,365 including 72 words for About the Author)

John Lennon, in his song "Woman" from "Double Fantasy," the last album before he died, sang thanks to his wife Yoko "for showing me the meaning of success."  Do you know to what he was referring?  Reportedly, it was the definition of success so handily crafted by Ralph Waldo Emerson. 

Here is how Emerson poetically described the meaning of success:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded."

They are inspiring words and ideas, a gorgeous poem that can help center us when we stray too far away from what is really important.  When the world around seems preoccupied with possessions and status, the poem can be a comfort.

A technique I've used over the years to keep myself on track is to read this quote aloud when given an opportunity.  Speaking it declares its importance to me, admitting that I often stray and fail to live up to its idealism.  In addition, for many years I've carried reduced copies of the quote with me in my wallet, freely giving it away to whoever heard it and liked it.  Last week the chance came at a poetry reading given by two members of the Poetry Caravan and myself at the New York Presbyterian Hospital.  The opportunity came up suddenly.  One of the patients, a young enthusiastic man, started discussing the concept of success in reaction to one of our poems.  After listening, I pulled the Emerson quote out of my wallet and contributed it to the discussion.  I felt at peace reading it aloud, with the nine other people who were nodding in agreement as I went along.  I handed it to the young man and thanked him.  Yes, isn't this what we really want to achieve, the simple things that Emerson found important.

As I drove back to my office after the poetry reading, I reflected on the quote and got a flashback to another time that the quote took center stage for me.  It was at a funeral home in Mt. Vernon, New York several years ago where I was attending a memorial service for my good friend Larry. 

I had known Larry for many years, ever since the days I operated a retail store that sold toys, games and baby products like carriages and cribs.  Larry came into the store often to test out toy and game ideas on me and the customers. He wanted to make children have fun. He and his partner became highly successful, monetarily, making several millions of dollars.  In fact, years later I handled certain investments for Larry as a financial advisor and bond broker, and was surprised by how much he had made.  Remarkably, he continued to always be accessible, friendly, good-spirited, down-to-earth and very funny.  The riches never got in the way, never changed him.    We developed a new relationship, co-inventing games, and even sold a board game to a major company.

Anyway, I arrived at the funeral parlor about ten minutes late, with a mutual friend, Sue.  The place was teeming with people.  The closest we could get to the speakers was looking into the large memorial room through a glass partition from an adjacent room.  Thankfully, we could see and hear fine.  Larry's brother was telling anecdotes, some very funny and others quite touching.  Story after story about Larry and his life.   What surprised me was that, although I knew Larry for many years, there was so much about him I didn't really know.  The many times he went out of his way helping people.  The several close friends with whom he shared personal feelings and dreams. The thousands of hours he worked on creative projects, enlivening so many. There were many aspects of Larry's life that I never knew, which his brother shared with the crowd gathered.  For one, Larry never told me he was a highly decorated pilot during the Korean War.  The over two hundred people at the service were a testament of how he affected them.  How he was their Larry.  How he made them laugh, recounting many memorable pranks and joyous times.  How he comforted them when they cried, privately, lovingly.

As I listened to the stories, I wondered whether I touched Larry like he did the others and me.  Then Larry's brother held up a small piece of paper.  The room quieted down.  He said, "I don't know where Larry got this quote, but it was hanging by tape from his desk lamp, and it says everything about how Larry lived his life."  As I stood there, I stared from forty feet away at the Emerson quote his brother held up, and I realized it was the one I gave him, one day years ago in his home office when we talked about dreams and hopes, and when I pulled it from my wallet and gave it to him. I was tempted to yell out "I gave Larry that quote!  Right here, me.  It was I."  But of course, I just wiped away my tears and stood there crying.  Realizing not just that Larry lived a full successful life but that I did too.  I got to know him.  I got to contribute to his life, by connecting with the Emerson quote.  And he kept it.  Larry's success was all over the room.  It was in all the people and all the memories.  Oh, I realize that his business successes and money probably opened up opportunities for him to lead a full life and meet perhaps more people than may have ordinarily been the case.  However, I believe it was whom Larry was down deep that really made the difference in how he impacted people and how people impacted him.   That is what made him a success, especially in Emerson's view.

When a handful of guests went to Larry's house following the service, I confided in Larry's brother that it was me who gave Larry the quote, and that I was so thankful to have contributed in some way to Larry's happiness.  An hour later, Larry's daughter handed out scissors to about eight of us who sat around in the living room, cutting reduced Emerson's quotes from the copies she made in Larry's downstairs home office.  Two weeks later, when I opened the thank you card Larry's widow sent out, there it was, for me and for the hundreds of other people receiving the thank you cards - Emerson's meaning of "Success."

Here it is again.  Read it slowly.  Cut it out of this paper and make a few copies for your wallet if you want, and read it aloud when a conversation leads to a discussion of life and money, and what is truly important.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded."

Please feel free to send me your letters about quotes you may like and how they have influenced the direction of your life, and with your permission, I will include them in future columns.

About the author.

Frank Sisco is a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist, and author of many articles about personal finance and issues of life and money.   His firm, Financial Management Corporation, is located in Harrison, NY.  Frank makes his home with his wife and daughter in New Rochelle, NY.  He can be reached at 914.381.3737 or by email at ideasmoney@aol.com.  Visit his website at www.LifeAndMoney.com, which contains this and prior articles.