Written by:

Frank Sisco, 30 Mill Road, New Rochelle, NY 10804

Home office - 914.740.4422, Cell - 914.589.1013; Email – ideasmoney@aol.com

www.LifeAndMoney.com

Word count = 999 words plus 61 words for About the Author)

Every now and then, there is a "ah ha" moment, that changes the way you look at life and deal with people and events. You know what I mean. A person you meet out of the blue who so inspires you that you change careers based on what she or he said, or you go ahead with buying the house you had been considering, or you enter a new partnership or you leave one, or you forgive someone unconditionally. These moments have various triggers. In addition to a person, the trigger could be a powerful book you read, a movie you saw, a song, or an event you participate in. Sometimes, these moments are like epiphanies and can have profound effects on your life, and on your finances. Perhaps, related to both life and money, these "awakenings" are like signs that should be heeded, almost spiritual. They chart new paths.

I had a moment last week that has opened up a new understanding for me, and a new approach. In the second half of a Sahaja Yoga meditation weekly meeting last Thursday evening, the instructor Roni showed a videotape to the fifteen people in the high-ceiling room, including me and my daughter Kelly who was seated to my left. Shri Mataji, the 85-year-old woman who founded Sahaja Yoga decades ago in India, was speaking on the video about being a "witness." She explained that by resisting our usual temptations of always reacting to what is said and done around us, we then can better understand what is being said and done, and we can have a more important effect than if we reacted right away. Her soothing and clear way of speaking was getting me to be more accepting of this idea than would ordinarily be the case. Also, the meditation minutes before had a very positive effect on my receptiveness. Shri Mataji further explained that by being a witness and just observing we can effect great change. She gave several examples that were in effect parables, including one example about stopping horrific violence and saving several people. Another example was of a man that she drove with in a car who reacted to all the stimuli around him, reading aloud the road signs, talking about buildings, and commenting on traffic. As the ride went on, he became increasingly agitated and nearly overwhelmed by the events around him, also missing the opportunity to talk engagingly with the other passengers.

After the video, I raised my hand and offered some of my views, most of which were reactive, defensive, and theoretical. During the discussion, I noticed how I was being the challenger and realized that some of the participants gave me their own examples of her points in a manner that was not combative, not judgmental, not competitive as I was being, but rather they were gentle, guiding, helpful and wise. I was moved by their genuine concern for me and that I come to understand the importance of being a witness and not a "reaction" person. My daughter Kelly had been nodding in agreement as she watched the video and heard the discussion. I felt that she too got the point.

The next morning I was at an all-day insurance seminar in a Westchester hotel's conference room, in order to obtain required continuing education credits for the renewal of my New York life insurance license before the month-end. I arrived a few minutes late and found the group of participants a bit annoyed by the preachy and confrontational way the instructor, in his seventies, was addressing the group and taking care of administrative procedures, like the timing of breaks and lunch, the roll call, the prohibition of reading the newspaper or using a handheld device while he talked. As I settled into my seat on the right side of the front row, and looked back at the participants, nearly all had smirks and frowns. They looked like third graders who had an obnoxious substitute teacher who was a strict disciplinarian. Then the groans started as the instructor told story and after story, trying to make his points but they seemed to miss by a mile. Bad enough we had to sit through a boring insurance seminar, but to top if off we had to put up with his boring stories and not even learn anything new. Or so was my first reaction.

Surprisingly, I had a flashback to the night before at the Sahaja yoga meeting when the matter of being a witness was discussed. I then went into "witness mode." I just observed what was happening. I did not raise my hand to offer an argument to a point the instructor was ineffectively trying to make. I didn't disagree with his statements, as I would ordinarily be compelled to do. I did not take a leadership role in forming a coalition group to storm the front of the class and name one of us as a provisional instructor due to his apparent incompetence. Just kidding but you get my point. Instead of using my brain power to think of all my complaints and the like, I just listened, and occasionally offered an agreeable point. As his stories went on, I found myself actually liking them. I thought about how they were precious to him, and how they were reminders of the people he knew, and the events of his life. This self-realization was so powerful, that during the lunch break when I caught up on my cell phone messages and called people back, I shared my experience with two colleagues, and later on with several more people. The rest of the afternoon was an eye-opener, with my basking in being a witness. The day turned out to be a true joy, even uplifting, instead of a got-to-get-through-this-day.

I've been trying this witness technique in other areas of my life, including business. Listening, watching, not reacting. So far, with very favorable results. I'll let you know what happens.

About the author:

Frank Sisco is a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist and writes on topics related to life and money. You can contact Frank by email at ideasmoney@aol.com or by phone at 914.589.1013 in order to express your opinion about this article or to obtain copies of prior articles. He resides in New Rochelle, NY with his wife and daughter.