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The trend of living longer profoundly affects many issues of life and money for each of us. Two topics covered in my prior column were (1) enhanced opportunities (e.g. with the potential of a longer life comes the opportunity to do more in life and live it more meaningfully) and (2) reallocations of time (e.g. shifting time away from hobbies and leisure to spend more time with aging relatives).   Three additional topics are (A) reconciliation and reaching out (B) change of heart and (C) nursing homes and independent living.

A.   Reconciliation and reaching out - Lives lived long can accumulate many fractured moments and relationships and the longer the problems remain the worse they get. For over two years, I've attended a monthly bereavement seminar with my mother that helped us heal somewhat regarding the loss of my brother.   When the participants expressed their feelings over the passing of their loved ones, often they said they regretted not resolving issues. Shouldn't some of the precious remaining time be devoted to patching things up?

Planning should often involve reaching out.   On a recent plane trip to Florida, I sat next to Joe Horton, 70, who told me he has done quite a bit of planning for his own old age, when he may need care in his home.   When building his house, he graded the property so that it was easily accessible by wheel chair and he retrofitted the garage to be a large living area, with an extra bathroom, to accommodate a live-in caregiver.   Joe cared for his mother and his wife who had been ill for several years before they died and he knows the importance of getting the help of family members who are willing to provide help.   In fact, the brother of his second wife lives with them, paying rent, and has volunteered to be of assistance if needed.    Although having limited liquid assets, Joe's plans have helped him to maintain a positive outlook about the prospect of him living much longer.   An article in the West Palm Beach Post on February 25th revealed surprising data that for the first time since the Depression, more seniors were moving out of Florida than into it.   The article said that the likely reason is that the seniors who moved down to Florida twenty to thirty years ago in their fifties and sixties were now seventy to ninety years of age, often widowed, and want to be nearer their families in the Northeast and elsewhere.   Are you having similar relocation discussions within your own family?    Shouldn't you?

B.   Change of heart - When we let our hearts change, we will find the will and the ways to make possible fuller richer longer lives for those older loved ones around us. Cultures, like the Native Americans, honor they old.   And there are many examples around us. Take my parish priest. He arranged for the celebration recently of a parishioner who was turning 97 that Sunday, starting with the stretch white limousine that picked up at her home, greeting my videotape and a church filled with parishioners who gave her a standing ovation and sang her "Happy Birthday" at a gathering that followed the service. Furthermore, when we show our love and appreciation, not only will we be helping others, but we will become better examples so when we ourselves become eighty, ninety, one-hundred or more, our children and younger friends and relatives will treat us with respect and caring, and help us to reap the best life offers - love and tenderness.   And what about addressing now, not later, very personal beliefs in God and an afterlife?

C.   Nursing homes and independent living - We must listen to what people really want.   Some people are built to be more independent than others.   They want to stay in their own homes, with home care providers if needed, for as long as possible.   They want to drive their own car as long as possible.   My Aunt Estelle who recently passed away at age 89 was like that.   Other people prefer a community-style of living, first in retirement communities, then in independent-living facilities and assisted-living centers, and finally in nursing homes.   Each type of living can be very expensive and an emotional shocker to people who have spent their lifetimes saving and being careful with money.   What to do?   Well, Medicaid rules have changed dramatically last year making it much more difficult to transfer the assets to other family members.   Perhaps, retrofitting existing homes may help or buying a new home near relatives.   Or perhaps it means researching the options thoroughly well in advance and selecting the one most appropriate.   But it often comes down to accepting the fact that your assets, or those of your parents, will be spent on extending life as long as possible.   The sooner this matter is discussed, and accepted, the easier it is later.   For us young enough to do something financially, the prospect of continued high long-term care costs should be a motivator to be more frugal, to save better, to get long-term care insurance for our parents and for ourselves, to make every effort to make more money by being smarter in our business affairs, to cast off wasteful spending habits, and on and on.   We need to face the problem, do the thinking and have the discussions.   Then, when the time comes to spend $8,000 or more a month on giving a loved one the best care possible, there won't be as much of a financial hurt that magnifies the emotional hurt.   Also, if along the way to we refocus our busy lives to allow for better time with our loved ones and truly try to boost the quality of their lives however we can, when the time comes to say goodbye there won't be as many regrets.

About the author.

Frank Sisco is a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist, and author of many articles about personal finance and issues of life and money.   His firm, Financial Management Corporation, is located in New Rochelle, NY.  Frank makes his home with his wife and daughter in New Rochelle, NY.  He can be reached at 914.740.4422 or by email at ideasmoney@aol.com.  Visit his website at www.LifeAndMoney.com, which contains this and prior articles.